Inconclusive results today!

Boo...I still have to continue waiting to find out how many. There was one clear sac today but a few black dots that they weren't sure about. I go back for another Friday morning! I'll post a pic so you can tell me what you think in a minute...

Here it is...

Numbers looking good!

So everything is looking good still! From Wed to Fri my hcg went from 217-407. So it just almost doubled. With a normal pregnancy your hcg levels double every 48-72 hours so it was right on target. So I was thinking...maybe it is just one healthy baby. :) Then I got today's results! 1848!!! So that's a rapid increase since friday! SO rapid...they moved my ultrasound up to Wednesday!!!! Woohoo! We will maybe know in two days how many!

A momma deer and her two fawns

My daddy just called me. They are at the lake and right after I called him to tell him my news he saw a momma deer with two baby fawns with her.

WOW...I'm VERY Pregnant

So...the blood test confirmed it, I'm pregnant!!!! And not just a little! My hcg is at 217. Here are some charts that sorta show you where they should be at with a singleton pregnancy and with multiples.

http://www.betabase.info/showBasicChart.php?type=Single
http://www.betabase.info/showBasicChart.php?type=Multiple

And highest reported with a singleton at 12 dpo was 208! I'm over that! So....now I'm just counting down the days until my ultrasound!!! I'm a little nervous!

Its getting darker!

Woohoo...today's test is getting darker! Here is a picture comparing yesterdays and today's (todays is on bottom). :) I'm getting more excited that its actually real!!! Blood test is tomorrow!! Then they'll do another on friday and then MWF of next week and possible 3 the following week too just to monitor me. But the friday after next is probably when my first ultrasound will be and then they can tell me how many!!! I'm still really early to be testing positive since I'm not even due to start my period for 4 more days so that has me a little nervous about how many is in there!!! lol I can't wait to find out though!!!

God is so good

So I'm still not 100% convinced of anything yet so no congrats just quite yet....but....i've gotten 3 positive tests today. :) I know, I know...I need to put the tests down and walk away but I keep thinking the test is faulty or I read it too late or something!!!! But it keeps getting darker...

Oh...and I forgot to update...I had a negative yesterday and the day before last so I know the hcg is out of my system. :)

I moved my blood test up to wednesday!!!! I will definitely let you know by then!

Seriously though...God is so good. Regardless of the outcome of this month! And if I am pregnant all of the glory, 100%, goes to him!!!!!

Tests came in!

Yay! My tests came in the mail today! I tested this morning with the dollar tree test and possibly a very faint positive. Anyone else who looked at it would probably say I was crazy but seriously...there is a very very faint line there. Then I took the new test after lunch and its a very faint positive...but not so faint you'd think I was seeing things. lol

I've also had some cramping today. It actually feels like mild menstrual cramps...like right before your period starts. And my temperature spiked. So...obsessing of course. :P

Let the compulsive testing begin!

So I ordered 25 pregnancy tests on ebay but I didn't realize at the time they are coming from the UK. So...needless to say they are still not here. :( I'm 7dpo. Still way too early for a real + pregnancy test but early enough for the hcg shot to be out of my system. The hcg shot is the shot they give me to ovulate. It has the actual human growth hormone in it and it takes about a week to get out of your system...sometimes longer. So it will give you a false positive. So...I like to start testing extra early until I get a negative so that I know the stuff is out of my system that way if I get a + ever I'll know its real and not just the hcg shot.

So...(I use so a lot...sorry!) I got tired of waiting and sent zac to dollar tree to pick me up a few. Took my first test just now. Its not FMU (forgot to add that one to the list...first morning urine...yuck) so its not as accurate since its not as strong. But its a very faint positive. So looks like its almost out of my system! Keep ya updated!

July 14th - The Lingo

So Shana pointed out to me that I'm speaking a foreign language! I forget everyone doesn't know all the crazy lingo. So here's an index for ya. :P

TTC - trying to conceive
TWW - two week wait - after you ovulate it takes approximately two weeks to know if your pregnant
BFP - big fat positive (as in pregnancy test)
BFN - big fat negative
AF - aunt flo (nice way to say your period)
DPO - days past ovulation
POAS - pee on a stick
IUI - inter uterine insemination (basically they put the sperm in a turkey baster and place it in your uterus so it doesn't have to swim)
BD - baby dance (use your imagination here ;))
HPT - home pregnancy test
OPK - ovulation predictor kit

That's all I can think of for now. Hope that helps!

July 13, 2008 - Two Week Wait

So I’m back in the two week wait. The IUI's went good. I had them thursday and friday and after Friday I cramped bad. Tami was in town on Friday and was able to go with me. I’m just two days into the TWW and the wait is already driving me crazy! The thought of the possibility of triplets (or more...) is just consuming me. So…that’s where I’m at right now! Just waiting! I’ll update you if I have any exciting symptoms. In the meantime if you are really bored you can stalk my temperature chart to see if it magically tells you anything. :P http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/218118

July 9th - Twins, Triplets, Quads, Oh My!

So I have three...possibly four mature eggs and I'm about to get two IUI's done the next two days. When my nurse did my scan she asked me before we proceeded with the IUI's if I would be ok with quadruplets!!! What! My other nurse I always have told me even with four eggs my chances of quads are slim to none. So I said to her, "its still extremely rare though right" and she just responded with, "you could have four eggs...could mean four babies." So....I guess I'm on board with the possibility! Here we go.....

July 7th - Pick, Poke...

I'm a human pin cushion! Between the nightly shots and them taking blood 2-3 x's a week to check my hormones I'm covered in bruises. :( I had a scan today that showed 9 follicles though! Those follicles won't contain eggs unless the fully mature. Two of them are looking good right now but the rest are questionable. In just a few more days we should know! I go back on Wednesday.

June 30th - Injectibles

Well AF came so we're on to another month yet again. This month we are starting injectibles. I'm getting nervous about it because I'll have to give myself a shot in the stomach every day for 8-10 days. Doesn't sound like much fun! I had my RE appointment this morning and everything looks good for this month so I'll start my first shot tonight. Basically the idea behind the shots is to make you produce more eggs to give you a higher shot of pregnancy. They told me after you've been trying for over a year with no positive results your chances of getting pregnant naturally on any given cycle is between 1-3% where for a normal trying couple is 20% per cycle. Having the extra eggs will just increase those odds drastically. So praying this is our month!

June 26, 2008 Emotional Roller Coaster

437 days we’ve been trying for our baby. Praying and pleading and begging God for another child. The past 15 months have been some of the hardest. The emotional roller coaster that goes along with it is exhausting. I’m so ready for this to be over. I go in tomorrow for a blood test to see if my double IUI worked this month. There were 47 million sperm placed directly next to two large mature eggs. How on earth is it physically possible for me not to be pregnant? I don’t know…but sadly I’m afraid its true. I’ve taken six tests all negative. The last one if I hold it in the light and squint really hard I might be able to see a faint outline of a line. But I’ve seen this faint outline of a line many times before. Its amazing how you gain this ability to see a line where no line is after a while.

I’m not sure what God has planned for me to learn by this journey but I’m so ready for it to be over. The emotions seem to go in cycles. Sadness, bitterness, anger, depression, peace…and all over again. Once I think I’m to a point where I’m at peace with it all…another feeling slowly creeps in. I see a girl pregnant who is 16 and I think why God. I hear of a woman pregnant who got pregnant with a man she is having an affair with and she is also using drugs during her pregnancy. How on earth God do you bless her and not me!! I hear a friend complaining about being pregnant and how miserable she is and how unhappy she was about getting pregnant because they were on birth control. What I would give to be so miserable…she has no clue what misery feels like. And then anger sets in and then a few days later I find I can’t get off the couch. I can’t motivate myself to do any of the things I normally love. I feel like a horrible mom when my precious miracle asks me 50 times a day, “mommy, are you happy?” And the pain, I think that’s the worst of all the emotions. Its gut wrenching almost every single month when I find out its not going to happen again. When I see the age gap grow larger between my son and my future child. The pain is just so indescribable. Like a part of me is missing and I can’t get it back. Like the greatest gift a woman can ever obtain is being withheld from me for some reason.

Another thing that makes this so hard is I’m one of those few rare women who love pregnancy. And even rarer…love childbirth. I loved the whole experience, every step of it. The beginning of pregnancy where all the feelings were totally new and foreign and how it made me feel like a woman like never before. The middle stages of pregnancy where you gain all your energy back and you glow. How you feel the baby move inside of you, how beautiful you feel. The end, as miserable as I was, just knowing how close you are to the most pivotal moment in your entire life. And the birth…wow…birth is just so amazing to me. How my body was able to completely do everything all on its own without my help. I was so amazed by how it all happened. It gave me a new feeling of “girl power”. And then I held my little guy for the first time ever… Ok…I could go on and on about every journey of the past 3 years and how amazing they are to watch your little one grow.

I want to experience it all again. Even if its completely different and doesn’t work out quite so perfectly I don’t care. I want a large family, its always been a dream of mine. I want to give my little guy brothers and sisters to play with.

I have to believe its going to happen one day, but I start to lose hope. I don’t know how long we can do this. I know God doesn’t give us something we can’t handle, but it sure feels like it sometimes. I want my next baby so badly. I know you exist, please come home to me.